this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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