"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
