im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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