Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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