also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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