i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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