Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
