You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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