She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
