I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
