What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
