North Korea, Best Korea!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
