summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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