and she was petting her beer can
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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