I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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