and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
