It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
false alarm, still single
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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