this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
