So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the condom got lost in my hair
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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