Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
