all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
