Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
