The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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