Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
