Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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