somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
