Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
