he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
