My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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