who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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