I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
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when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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