Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
