I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
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You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
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you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
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