i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
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So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I did not marry a roomba.
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