Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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