mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
