just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
