So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
