you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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