I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
