just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
