Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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