i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
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All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
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I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
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