Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
