Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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