never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
