Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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