just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
