im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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