the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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