Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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