I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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