when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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