I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
