My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
