Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
