I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
