bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
