i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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