She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
