I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
