u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
