OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
