I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
