sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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