Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
