do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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