He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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