Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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