i will never coherently bang her
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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