You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
